Children have an insatiable need for attention. It’s probably due to the constant praises and recognition they received from the time they were born or the lack thereof. First time they utter a word, roll over, crawl, stand on their own, or communicate what they want, parents and other people in their lives are immediately excited by the children’s achievement of developmental milestones.
As a preschool teacher, I have observed this behaviour of “seeking or craving attention” on varying degrees among the children under my care. They would always come up to the teachers and educators just to show off their painting, or drawing, or anything that they’ve done or achieved.
I can give many stories but I will use Johnny’s example. This is very common in many schools and families, too, where children compete with one another for their parents’ attention.
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The Story of Johnny
At school, Johnny has always been competing for attention. To Johnny, it’s always like “I do anything better than anyone”, such as:
- being the fastest runner
- the one who could climb up the ladder first and quickly
- could count up higher than anyone
- could build the highest tower
- And the list goes on.
At first, you’d think that Johnny’s competitiveness was just the result of being new at school, that he just wanted to fit in. But many months had passed, and Johnny still displays this competitive behaviour. He still wants to be the best at everything. So being new is definitely not an issue.
During group discussion, Johnny would always have something to boast about. He also would want to be right and first all the time. He would feel upset if the teacher would not choose him to be the “line leader” or the “back line leader” or the one who can do “show-and-tell”.
The good thing is that the other children are not so much worried about his behaviour. Of course, this is not going to last, and as easy-going as some of these children are, they will eventually not be able to tolerate him.
His teachers are getting worried about his relationships with his friends. How can they convey to Johnny for him to understand that he does not really need to prove anything? He is a very bright, clever and capable child. He’s also quite athletic at a young age. He does not need to compete for attention. But just like anybody, Johnny wants to be heard all the time.
If you think about it, there’s really nothing wrong about being driven and determined, but when you’re too competitive to the point that you are being ruthless and unfair to other people, something needs to be done.
So whilst children are still young, you would want to mould their character so that this attention-seeking and competitive behaviour will be transformed into a positive one, like having an attitude of a team player.
Let’s take a look further at Johnny’s background.
The teachers talked to his mother so that at least she could shed some light on what’s causing Johnny to feel that he should excel at anything. The mother feels helpless, too, at times. She doesn’t know how to help him. She doesn’t understand why he acts a certain way when he’s the younger of the two boys. His older brother, Sammy, has had health problems, one of which is chronic asthma. Johnny is the healthy one.
Could the following be the contributing factors to Johnny’s behaviour?
- The older brother, Sammy, is always struggling with his health. The parents’ focus is for Sammy to get better.
- Parents are over-protective of Sammy. They will do everything to avoid exposing him to potential sickness or danger, for example, they will not go to overcrowded places where there will be lots of sneezing and coughing children, especially in the winter.
- Sammy gets praises for his achievementes and great academic reports, since he misses lots of school due to his health issues.
Johnny’s mother thought that because Johnny does not have any significant challenge that will hinder him from doing anything that he likes, he already feels good about himself and that it’s okay not to praise him too often. Sammy, on the other hand, is physically challenged so when he does something really good, he gets the praises and approval of his parents, as well as his teachers.
After the talk with the teacher, the mother started wondering whether they had been shortchanging Johnny. Yes, Johnny does not have any significant challenge, but he has an insatiable need to be recognised and praised.
As a parent and you are in a similar situation, what can you do?
Ultimately, a child needs to find their own areas of personal satisfaction. As parents, you need to find some things to praise your child about every day, especially if they are showing good attitude.
- If they are kind to someone, you must acknowledge it in front of them.
- If someone looks up to your child, you need to let them know that. Reward your child just for being who they are.
- Give your child any task that he can master, then compliment and thank them warmly for their help. This way, your child can begin to measure themselves only against themselves.
- Read books to your child that talk about characters who feel small, but stand tall, and books that portray the benefits of cooperation.
- Praise your child’s own accomplishments but also encourage them for being considerate of others’ needs.
- Tune in to your children’s own interests. Know what fascinates them, then take them to places where they can watch and learn more about their interest. They may shift from one interest into another, but what matters is that you pick up on those things that fascinate them and that you give them opportunities to pursue those interests.
Hopefully, your child will conclude that being loved and valued for who they are is what matters most, and that they don’t need to compete with others for attention.
I’m sure there are more strategies on how to manage this behaviour among children, so if you have thoughts, ideas or feedback, please comment below. I would love to know your insights.
Thank you for reading!Copyright © May 2018 @evlachsbloghttps://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@evlachsblog/parents-alert-what-to-do-if-your-child-is-always-competing-for-attention
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